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Original Poems By
Irene A. Mystery
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* Alone *
I am alone all day, all night.
My heart is full of empty fright.
There are some people that just might
Laugh at my feelings outright.
I don't know why I'm afraid,
I don't know why I'm alone.
Nor do I know what kind of raid
Is scaring me when I'm not home.
Uncertain feelings I possess;
They are dark winds upon blue skies.
I don't know, I must confess,
Where winds will flow, in disguise.
Disguise is good, it covers pain,
The nudging one that hurts inside.
There's nothing else that I could gain
By telling someone else. Besides,
I've never felt this blue before...
Oh, well, I'm lying in my heart.
I've tried to kill myself. What for?
So I could learn IF life is right.
I still have doubts, now and then.
Why do I live? Why I exist?
Internal peace have died in vain,
It's never been a happy bliss.
What have possessed me to survive
All those years of haunting pain?
Who is to say that I must strive?
What will the horrid living gain?
I have to finish now. The end
Of day is here. I must live.
Life has demands, all I could stand.
Perhaps, I still have things to give?...
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Birds sing their foolish praises to new day.
Fall winds arrange a colorful display
Of autumn leaves had fallen yesterday.
But I sense nothing...
Fall flowers bow deep curtsies in array,
Admiring each other. (Looks that way.)
A passer-by is smiling at wind's play.
But I see nothing...
Some pesky seagulls make grand noise at bay.
Their voices trying harshly to convey
That fishing looks just wonderful today.
But I hear nothing...
A salty breeze puts trees in gentle sway.
Foam-headed waves arrive from far away.
They freshen air and rocks at beach. "Hooray!"
But I smell nothing...
A prism makes a rainbow from sun's ray.
The sea makes heavy mist it tries to spray
On my tear-soaked face to my dismay.
But I taste nothing...
Life is miraculous and marvelous, they say.
Perhaps, I should give life some thought, and pray
To get my senses back to me someday...
But I feel nothing. I am dead today.
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The world is full of darkness. Its walls are closing in.
Catastrophes in harness are grouping deep within.
Big storms are getting ready. Strong lightnings flash black skies.
Tornadoes, huge already, twist swiftly, just like flies.
Volcanoes, overflowing, need seconds to erupt.
The tidal waves, still growing, wait for release, abrupt.
The earthquakes, shaking mightily, all need a single sign
To rip this Earth so partly the core's revealed in line.
Big icebergs from North Pole flow down, all set for strikes.
Winds bring huge hail and snow to cover all but pikes.
In forests, rage wild fires, devouring all in path.
Destruction, their desires, they show with great wrath.
The cyclones bring disasters. Their mates, typhoons, -- the worse.
All hurricanes are masters of bringing doom with force.
The rainstorm's massive mud slide from mountains in the South,
Gives storm a cause to feel pride, and feed its hungry mouth.
The overflowing rivers the rainstorms bring, of course.
Cold winds from North bring shivers... Yet I feel no remorse.
With all these cataclysms, that brew within my head,
I see my life through prisms, not looking straight ahead.
The world can disappear in cosmos' deepest hole...
But all that matters here: it's raining on my soul.
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Oh, Fate! How cruel can you be?
How many times shall I survive
The awful hits you're dealing me?
I've all but lost my zeal and drive.
Oh, Fate! When will the nightmare stop?
When will I able to exist
Without misfortunes that are dropped
On my poor head, when I resist.
Oh, Fate! Please give me time to live.
A breath of air is all I ask.
There must be deeds inside your sleeve
That are much better than my task.
Oh, Fate! A breath of air is not that much.
It takes just seconds to breathe in.
It would have been a kinder touch,
If you'd allowed me within
Some comfort, not eternal bliss.
A breath of air is all I miss!
Oh, Fate! Have pity on my soul.
It's all the same after a while.
The suffering does take its toll:
My hair's half gray. I do not smile
As easy as I did before.
But, then, who knows what smiles are for?
Oh, Fate! D'you think you'd give sometimes
A meaning true, that I exist
Not only suffer, but divine's
The reason on your precious list?
Oh, Fate! Do let me know but when,
Or how, or what that must I give
Escape predicaments, and then --
A breath of air, that I could live,
You'll give me, Fate, and I'll rejoice.
Life's nothing but a heavy choice.
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My life is idly passing by.
Four blows of Fate had made me sink.
Time stands but still. I won't try
To make it better. I must think....
I've been depressed before. Oh, yes!
Life has been brutal in my past.
My inner strength, acquired zest
Had righted me and my ship's mast.
I've sailed free to all four winds.
I've seen the world... Could simply fly.
My Fate, somehow, has clipped my wings,
And hanged me out in dock to dry.
Once I've recouped from grueling shocks,
I could not fly, but still could run.
My Doom has backed me into rocks,
And pulled the trigger of its gun.
Recovery was longer. Dream
Of flight was lost. Running no more,
Yet grasping to my bravest theme,
I walked again, strong in my core.
With body lacking former grip,
My stroll was limped, not like before.
To let me drop in hole, dark deep,
My Destiny destroyed the floor.
My bones broke. No spirits high,
I still could crawl to life's blue light.
My Fate was laughing, standing by:
And lightning struck with all its might.
My throbbing head, my body's flesh
Endured too much in instant's time.
I've had enough, tangled in mesh
Of my Fate's cruelty and crime.
My body's bruised. My soul is hurt.
No stamina. No strength. No goal.
Time stands but still. This world's pervert.
And I am weak as newborn foal...
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Your hair...
So long, so beautiful, so blond.
Your curls are so voluminous,
I feel like counting
All those big and little ringlets
Falling on your shoulders.
My eyes luminous,
My lips trembling but a bit,
The tips of my fingers are tingling
From the need of wrapping your curls around them.
I would wash my face with your tresses,
Kissing some, teasing the others,
Inhaling their tantalizing scent.
Your hair...
I've never seen anything so magnificent
Cascading down one's neck.
You bind it in a tail. What a pity.
Those rebellious curls are meant to be free.
Why did you grow such a glory,
If you don't share it with the world?
Your hair...
It looks as sensual as your lips,
Soft, vibrant and pliant.
Kissing you would be as wonderful
As letting your hair rain on my face.
Who ever said that hair was dead?
Not a chance!
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Imagine..
If I hugged you from behind
Touching your hair with my face,
Would you feel a bolt of desire,
Electricity flowing between us,
Hot as a flash?
Would you be inflamed in seconds,
Your eyes closed,
Your head bent back,
Your tongue moistening suddenly dry lips?
My breath on the back of your neck,
Would it send surges of power down below?
Would you ache with need to be touched by me,
Kissed and treasured by me?
Would your breath become rapid and shallow,
Your mind running wild?
Would you lean back on me,
Feeling me,
Smelling me,
Inhaling my essence?
Would your nostrils start flaring
From the scent of my perfume,
Or would it be me,
Driving your desire?
The warmth of my hands touching your face,
Would it make you feel
As if you're basking in a sun?
Would you be willing to turn around
And face deep love in my eyes?...
I am so very glad
That I know the answer.
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There is music in my soul.
Sun is shining in my mind.
Sun is coming. Love is here.
Faith’s not logging far behind.
Uncorrupted celebration...
What’s the cause, you want to know?
Love is wondrous sensation,
Fresh and clean, as pristine snow.
Love is coming. Faith is here.
Sunshine’s beaming to my heart.
Love is health. A happy tear
Running down my cheek, so smart.
I am happy. I am proud.
Sun is bathing me with rays.
I shall walk above the ground,
Love sustaining me for days.
Love is sunshine. Faith is glory.
Sun has friendship’s golden rod.
Thus, the essence of this story:
Loving Sun is nothing odd.
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Rejection.... Oh, what a cruel word it is!
I feel so agitated, while my emotions
Have torn to bits my aching, bleeding heart.
Why didn’t you know
That I depend on love for life?
My honest, deepest feelings,
You merely just brushed away...
You didn’t care if I lived or died.
You showed no concern for my well-being.
Have you cold ice where other people have hot blood?..
Perhaps, I do exaggerate a little bit.
You’re still my friend. I know you care...
I’ll live. Oh, I’ll survive!
You’re not the first to hurt me in such fashion.
You’ve made a hole in armor I deemed thick..
You proved to me: immune, I’m not...
You have rejected me, or so you thought.
Yet clueless you'll remain
Of turbulence and wild velvet passion.
The sadness of a moment such as this
Is the reality, in which you’ll never know
What I, in truth, have offered.
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You are my fantasy, my dream.
Without your news my self-esteem
Takes deepest plunge.
Disheartened air seeps in my soul,
As I just scowl...
Gloom forms a cloud above my head...
I wish I were dead instead!
I simply think, it’s only fair
That you’d protect me from despair,
Collect the cloak of tarnished smudge
Around my soul...
I’ll hold no grudge.
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Did you understand the pleasure of your words
Would seep on my mind or my inner peace?
You played lovely music with fantastic chords
In my head to have my esctasy increase.
Did you want to cause the turmoil in my being?
Did you mean to touch my essence so fine?
You have been so kind and gentle... I have seen
Others being crude. Yet you were divine.
Did you realize the impact of your words
Would create in me and everything I do?
You so clever bound me with eternal cords,
When you said to me, in whisper, "I love you..."
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I’m floating.....
I’m floating in the air
Having just made love to my husband...
Nothing could be more delightful than floating in mid-air like that.
The room is slightly spinning, but I find it amusing.
I am weightless, soaring like a butterfly, supported only by gossamer wings,
Floating above my lover’s familiar barely covered sleeping form.
His arm is resting above his slightly turned head in a classical gesture.
A study of a sleeping man by Leonardo in pencil
Like Adam before G-d gave him life.
I am lying on my side, observing through only one eye,
For the other one is obscured by a pillow.
We are nude, of course. Adam and Eve didn’t have any clothing either.
In a few moments, the rude reality will intrude in the form of an alarm.
He’ll wake up, stretch, get up, and leave the room
To do those countless errands and chores during the course of his day.
He’ll do it for one reason and one reason only: for me.
He will tear himself away from our bed, where I am left in an enchanting disarray.
I won’t mind, for I am languidly smiling...
I’m still floating from his marvelous love making not long ago.
Smiling and floating...
Floating...
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When I’ve learned the news, I screamed....
Long and loud.
It wasn’t just any scream.
It didn’t even sound human.
It was a primal scream of a mortally-wounded animal.
Never in my life had my throat elicited such a sound.
At first, a disbelief ruled.
This wasn’t right! This couldn’t be happening!
It was some kind of a sick and cruel joke!
Then the reality of the situation hit me over the head.
Agonizingly slow, it started to sink in.
My soul began to ache
As devastation racked havoc at my being.
I didn’t want to believe you were dead.
You couldn’t be dead!!!
You shouldn’t!
But you were.....
And you are.
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They say you were far away.
I shouldn’t scream or cry.
You were "only" cyber-friend...
But did you have to die?!?
They say I shouldn’t mourn or pray:
You were “just” pen-pal.
My heart is bleeding on display
For I was your true gal.
You died so young, at thirty eight,
A genius with kind heart.
A smile warm I knew you had.
I loved you from the start.
I don’t want to go on.
Decisions aren’t brief.
There are some people who will scorn
My feelings and my grief.
Oh, laugh! Do laugh at me so loud!
You have no clue! Because
I’m proud of my love. So proud,
I’d die without remorse.
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My wings are clipped. I can not fly.
I have oblivion within.
My Love has died. My futile try
Did not produce desired win.
He’s gone away. We never saw
Each other, due to circumstance.
We’ve never touched or held our hands
All due to fateful lack of chance.
We’ve never kissed.
I haven’t seen the bluest depth of his true eyes.
Forever missed
Will be our flights of passion in the midnight skies.
My bright red mane
And green-blue eyes have haunted him in real life.
I nearly drove him insane:
He couldn’t have me for his wife.
Intoxication in disguise,
The ecstasy, the joy, the bliss...
Deep conversations of the souls:
That is what I’ll forever miss.
Beloved’s gone. My life is quaint...
I’ll never kiss his blondish hair.
My essence - sad, my heartbeat - faint,
As I am left to my despair.
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I’m eating a chocolate bar
To take away the vile taste in my soul.
I’m drinking spirits directly from the bottle
Although I usually don’t imbibe.
I’m smoking cigarettes one after another
Despite the fact that I quit ages ago.
I’m sitting alone in my car in the darkness,
Driving nowhere.
Hot tears are leaving their traces
Down on my ashen grief-stricken face.
I’m having my very own private celebration...
...With Death!
I am empty as a hollow shell without substance.
All because YOU are dead.
You’re the key to my soul.
You’re a part of my being.
You’re a fragment of me that had nobody seen.
How will I go on? I don’t know. I can’t.
Rest in peace, my Beloved,
My treasure, my gent.
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It’s been nine months since you had left.
Nine months, in which I’ve been bereft
Of laughter, joy, the sunshine, brought to me by you,
whom I have sought.
Life’s juice was miracle of choice.
I drunk with vigor, not remorse from letters,
filled with love from you,
Your instincts, passions, anguish, too.
Without your precious loving gift,
I might as well be just adrift
At tranquil sea, lost far from bay.
I wish to drown myself one day...
Your living status does not change:
You’re listed dead at Souls Exchange.
Your life was grand. You’ve done so well.
You left me in a silence spell.
In tiny boat without one oar,
I sit alone in placid pore.
With meditation’s somber pray,
I wish to dream my life away.
It’s been nine months since your last breath.
Nine gruesome months since tragic death.
If you loved me on your last night,
A child I’d present tonight.
A babe is waiting for nine months
just to be born in circumstance.
Nine months to bear. One blink to die.
An angel lost; forgot to fly.
How can one person mean so much
Without a kiss, or feel, or touch?
How can one love a hope, a dream,
With yearn for faith and self-esteem?
I need your consciousness like air
For me to leave my boat’s lair.
To live again, enjoy my life...
My efforts are still filled with strife.
My private Angel, guard me well.
Release me from your silence spell.
Just break that trance so I could write,
With inspiration back in sight.
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MORE POETRY TO COME LATER!
Since 01/14/98, you are a reader #
Copyright Irene A. Mystery © 1993-1997
This Page was last Updated on 12/31/97
